RON WILLIAMS  The best POEM in Lancashire Dialect
                                            The winner of the Richard Holland Cup
                               
​A LUVIN’ ‘USBANT’S TREAT

Aye ah do like mi missus a lot
So ah thowt as ah’d gi’e ‘er a treat,
Ah,d tek ‘er eawt fer a meal
Toh t’ garden centre ut’s usually awreet.
So ah towd ‘er toh poot on ‘er glad rags
Ah wer tekkin’ ‘er eawt fer ‘er lunch,
We went un queue’d op in’t’ café
Fer summut thi’ reckont wer brunch.

We sat theer un enjoyed a fair meal,
Swilled deawn wi’ a pot o’ freysh tay,
Hoo wer thrilled when ah towd ‘er mi plan
Ut hoo’d ‘ave nobbut toh pay.
Thir wer a brid table theer o’ sale,
(wun ut’s awhoam’s noan soh good)
Soh ah towd ‘er toh go choose a new un,
A gradely un med o’ beech wood.

Hoo wasted noh time pickin’ a freysh un,
Un ah took it toh t’ checkeawt toh pay,
Theer thi’d Uncle Joes Mintballs,
A tin o’ thoose ud fere mek ‘er day!
Hoo towd foak heaw gen’ rous ah’d bin
Un hoo sung t’ praises o’ this second rate bard,
.... But weeks later hoo cawed mi a che’pskate
When hoo discovvert ah’d paid wi’t JOINT CARD!

15 03 2018
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